Karen Meager and John McLachlan offer tips on finding a life rhythm that works for you
Think about a pair of old-fashioned kitchen scales at the perfect balance point; it’s not very stable, is it? This precarious state of affairs is what most of us set up for ourselves in search of the perfect work-life balance. A bit of work here, squeezing in some time with the kids there, feeling guilty because you have no time for the gym – and what about your relationship? All of these important factors competing for your time and attention is stressful and, ultimately, unfulfilling.
The idea of balancing work against life is also unhelpful; work is part of your life. We have not met anyone yet who does too much of the ‘life’ side if the equation. The question is: how big a part of your life is work, and how big a part do you want it to be? The answer to that is deeply personal.
Instead of struggling with this constant juggling act, instead find the right rhythm for you in your life. Finding rhythm is a way of getting clarity on what’s important, finding healthy routines to support you, and clear out time-wasting activities so you can do the things in your life that you want to. Here are three activities that’ll help you do just that:
Stop multitasking
The concept of multitasking is really a myth – our brains cannot do two or more things at once. When you are multitasking your mind is flitting from one activity to another; this uses up more energy and can end up making tasks take longer overall than if you tackled them individually. With some simple tasks where you really don’t need to think much – such as making tea and putting the washing on – it’s fine, but trying to catch up with emails while playing with the kids and making dinner isn’t effective, and can actually be damaging for all concerned. When you need to engage in a situation or give it focus, do one thing at a time for best efficiency.
Separate out time for planning, doing and reviewing
In our need for efficiency we often start things before we’ve planned them and then think about the next thing we need to do before that first task is finished. Instead, make time for just planning, prioritising and organising (no doing) time for doing things, being fully in the moment with the activity, and time for reviewing it and learning from it (if that’s appropriate to the task).
Create healthy habits
What useful shortcuts could you build into your life instead to save you time and give you more rhythm? If mornings are chaotic for you, how could you make them run more smoothly? A client of ours only wears red and black to work, which makes deciding what to wear for work and pack for business trips really easy. Another client has two healthy breakfast options in the house so that she always has choice, but doesn’t waste time thinking about what to eat.
And if you’re struggling to let go of work each day, think about building in a buffer period to help you switch off. That might mean stopping off at the gym, taking the longer way home or grabbing a coffee while you clear your emails and reflect on the day. It might mean that you get home 30 minutes later, but you’ll be in a better mood and in the best frame of mind to spend time with your family and friends.
When changing anything in life, make small adjustments to test out how they work for you. It also helps other people to get used to a new way of doing things. So instead of suddenly finishing at 5pm every day when you used to hang out in the office until 7pm, decide to leave at 5pm twice a week, and a bit earlier than 7pm on the other days. People often give up on change because they try too much too quickly; instead, take a few things you know you can do differently and start with those. Build on this progress slowly until you have a rhythm that works for you.
Karen Meager is a psychotherapist and John McLachlan is a clinical hypnotherapist. They are the co-founders of Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy. Their latest book, Time Mastery, is out now